Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's top comedians used the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. An official website promises approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to rich applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.